The Upside of Difficult People in Our Life

You may doubt there’s an upside to dealing with the difficult people in our lives, but there is. And while it’s never easy, I discovered it’s also a learning opportunity.

This is bravery: using the challenge of daily life to sharpen our mind and open our heart.

Sakyong Mipham

Early on, I used to feel anger, irritation, frustration and sometimes, like a victim when dealing with difficult people, until I “got it” and realized how do I grow if I’m never challenged? Well, we all know difficult people certainly provide a challenge, so I surrendered to the lessons they provided. Here’s what I learned, and I want to share with you:

1. Be defenseless. Nothing other people do is about us, so don’t take it personally. It’s their outlook, their attitude, their opinion and they’re entitled to it. They have a long history that has shaped who they are and their behavior. It’s about them. It’s our responsibility to handle ourselves and our history and our emotions. It’s not our job or place to handle theirs. So, for this reason, I’ll silently wish them well.

2. Be self-aware. Knowing what we want to get out of a conversation or interaction helps determine our path. When we know exactly what we’re after or want to feel, we’ll also know when, or if, we need to engage. Stick to the real issue, if there is any, and disregard any “bait” to distract us from what needs, or doesn’t need, to be addressed. Keep the conversation on track and don’t waste your time with conversations or confrontations going in circles with no real agenda other than to spar.

3. Good Boundaries. Boundaries are healthy. They’re not selfish, or self-absorbed, or mean. Boundaries say, “I love and respect me”, particularly when others don’t. Things like avoiding difficult people when possible, or removing yourself are beneficial, as well as saying “no” or saying nothing. Yes, silence is a boundary. Not responding to an obvious taunt is a boundary too because by refusing to retaliate, we avoid any unnecessary conflict by smothering the fuel it needs to survive and grow. Words.

Good boundaries say, “I love and respect me”, particularly when others don’t.

While there are times in life that I’m in a situation or circumstance which attracts a lot of difficult people, I believe deep in my heart it’ll all work out for my betterment, because I’ll always possess a power they can’t touch. My reaction. For this reason, I nurture this hope every day and affirm that I’m capable of lessoning my pain or frustration by determining my responsibility, reshaping my perspective and desired endgame, and thoughtfully choosing my responses in difficult situations. And like everything else in life, I do my best each day, whatever that may be. ❤

Keep it Simple,

Just Teri

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