Choices, Controlling our Emotions, Personal Resonsibility

No One Wants Their Feelings Hurt

Having our feelings hurt is a sign. It lets us know that either a boundary has been violated or perhaps we need to construct a boundary. If we’re treated in a way that we have defined as unacceptable because it’s inconsiderate, unkind or disrespectful, being hurt let’s us know the line was crossed.

Now what? Most likely we want relief from the sadness. How do we go about doing this?

“Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”

Henry James

As difficult as it is, it can be extremely helpful to allow ourselves time to process the emotions. Making a healthy decision how to handle the “injury” has to come from a place of clarity and this only happens after the emotions subside. Many times our pain is amplified by similar past experiences and this can cause an excessive or unnecessary reaction unless we give ourselves space to look at the situation in a state of calmness. (Take as much time as needed.)

Listen, no one ever asks to get their feelings hurt but life is imperfect, people are imperfect, we are imperfect. Circumstances happen. People react, even when choosing to not react, and sometimes, depending on the day and variables such as our health, prior events and current demands, it’s possible to do something or say something without fully considering it’s impact, and as a result, hurt someone’s feelings. It’s unintentional but hurts nonetheless.

Many times the imperfections in life are our most impactful teachers”

So, if someone has hurt your feelings, instead of reacting too soon, take time to understand what you’re feeling. Why have my feelings been hurt? What did it make me feel about myself? About them? It’s crucial to understand what was triggered in us so that we can move on to discover what we need to rectify the dispute. Is it the situation itself or has it hit a hot button of past pain? We may even realize that we need to reevaluate the boundary and either adjust it or eliminate it altogether.

When we can clearly and calmly answer the questions above, it’s helpful to consider what’s key to feeling better, facilitating forgiveness and letting go of the painful event. There is no one answer that is right and this will be as unique as every individual. What remains the same is creating an outcome with kindness and honesty, not for revenge. One that doesn’t perpetuate shame, or punishment or guilt but shines light on the dark consequences of certain behaviors, along with a request that our boundaries be respected in the future.

Sometimes we desperately want others to understand the depth of the pain they caused but retaliating to hurt them inflicts damage for everyone close by, including us. The best way to resolve hurt feelings is to give ourselves time to be objective and rational so we can generate a peaceful resolution for everyone involved in lieu of prolonging the cycle of pain which benefits no one.

Keep it Simple,

Just Teri

14 thoughts on “No One Wants Their Feelings Hurt”

    1. I’ve learned through experience, and sometimes the hard way 😂, that it serves us so well to take time to understand “what” hurts us the most. The action, the person or our history with the action. Food for thought 🤔

      Thanks Pene ❤️🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Totally agree, Teri. Sometimes it’s almost impossible not to react right away, but I’ve been reading a book called, “The Untethered Soul-the journey beyond yourself.” It’s taught me to pause and witness my emotions when I get triggered. feel the emotions and analyze where it’s
    coming from and eventually come to a healing place within myself. Thanks for sharing the quote about being kind, even with oneself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. For sure the hardest part is the pause❣️🤗

      It’s a commitment to figure out our triggers, practice the pause and then work through the healing of painful memories to find a sense of peacefulness.

      I’m going to check out your book. I love book suggestions. Thanks 👍🏻😀❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! It feels SO, so good when we move past our hurt feelings❣️I find it’s harder when that person is someone we’re very close to and they mean a lot to us. That’s where firmer boundaries come in handy 😉
      Thanks Lisa ❤️🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. I tend to be overly sensitive, and if someone hurts me, my reaction is to close myself off and not continue a relationship with that person. The opposite of reactive. I think that may be its own problem though! 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ya know Collette, you are a beautifully sensitive person that brings out the wonderful mama, wife, teacher and writer in you❣️🥰

      It also means that people who are consistently insensitive or cruel would be overwhelming so it probably protects you from people who are not meant to be close to you. Seems like you prefer to have people in your life that help you be the best you. And that’s brilliant ❤️🤗

      Like

  3. Giving time to ourself to understand our feeling is so important. It certainly saves fighting. But most importantly we understand our trigger, how to change, and even potentially if we overreacted, all in the safety of our alone time or journal. Saving our relationship and our face.

    Like

    1. And Bella, I love how you pointed out that we’ve got to give ourselves time to sort through it. Oh the triggers take time to tame LOL

      When we finally do, we can save ourselves, and others, unnecessary pain. But in the end we’ll continue to receive the lesson and get to practice new actions until we figure it out – at least that’s been my experience 😉😂

      Always grateful for your thoughtful comments Bella ❣️🤗

      Liked by 1 person

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