Having our feelings hurt is a sign. It lets us know that either a boundary has been violated or perhaps we need to construct a boundary. If we’re treated in a way that we have defined as unacceptable because it’s inconsiderate, unkind or disrespectful, being hurt let’s us know the line was crossed.
Now what? Most likely we want relief from the sadness. How do we go about doing this?
“Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”Henry James
As difficult as it is, it can be extremely helpful to allow ourselves time to process the emotions. Making a healthy decision how to handle the “injury” has to come from a place of clarity and this only happens after the emotions subside. Many times our pain is amplified by similar past experiences and this can cause an excessive or unnecessary reaction unless we give ourselves space to look at the situation in a state of calmness. (Take as much time as needed.)
Listen, no one ever asks to get their feelings hurt but life is imperfect, people are imperfect, we are imperfect. Circumstances happen. People react, even when choosing to not react, and sometimes, depending on the day and variables such as our health, prior events and current demands, it’s possible to do something or say something without fully considering it’s impact, and as a result, hurt someone’s feelings. It’s unintentional but hurts nonetheless.
Many times the imperfections in life are our most impactful teachers”
So, if someone has hurt your feelings, instead of reacting too soon, take time to understand what you’re feeling. Why have my feelings been hurt? What did it make me feel about myself? About them? It’s crucial to understand what was triggered in us so that we can move on to discover what we need to rectify the dispute. Is it the situation itself or has it hit a hot button of past pain? We may even realize that we need to reevaluate the boundary and either adjust it or eliminate it altogether.
When we can clearly and calmly answer the questions above, it’s helpful to consider what’s key to feeling better, facilitating forgiveness and letting go of the painful event. There is no one answer that is right and this will be as unique as every individual. What remains the same is creating an outcome with kindness and honesty, not for revenge. One that doesn’t perpetuate shame, or punishment or guilt but shines light on the dark consequences of certain behaviors, along with a request that our boundaries be respected in the future.
Sometimes we desperately want others to understand the depth of the pain they caused but retaliating to hurt them inflicts damage for everyone close by, including us. The best way to resolve hurt feelings is to give ourselves time to be objective and rational so we can generate a peaceful resolution for everyone involved in lieu of prolonging the cycle of pain which benefits no one.
Keep it Simple,