It’s interesting that the moment we’re committed to a new frame of mind, one that sets new boundaries, which triggers new corresponding actions, we want to declare it. We feel healthy and certain of our new behavior approach and believe we should give everyone a heads up of what to expect. Because undoubtedly, they’ll notice the difference.
It could be we want to prepare them for the change saying, “This is the new me”. “This is the new way I’m going to handle this”. It’s possible we worry about their reaction because it will break the old interactive pattern. You know the one. We say this…they say that…we respond with this…they respond with that. It’s a conversational dance we’ve done hundreds of times if not more. We don’t know what to expect when we change the dance. Will they be receptive? Will they resist?
We can’t deny our growth just to spare another’s discomfort. Ultimately, they’ll figure out how to handle it.”
As much as we feel compelled to give them a heads up, we don’t need to warn them that change is coming their way. If anything, it can trigger an unnecessary confrontation about our impending change. Change in behavior insights fear in people because change is unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and uncertain. People typically prefer what’s predictable. What’s automatic and easier. This way they don’t have to take time to process the new information that requires a new response, or the courage to self-reflect followed by the energy and thoughtfulness it takes to assess old, unhealthy attitudes or beliefs and the commitment it takes to create a new approach.
No, we don’t have to say a word. This is our new attitude and our new direction. It doesn’t need to be telegraphed because we’re not responsible for their reaction and it’s beyond our ability to control anyway. It doesn’t seem possible, but our change will indeed create change without trying to control others.
The world will never stop changing. Sometimes it changes us and sometimes we change it. Nevertheless, change is inevitable and unavoidable.”
The best we can do is go into any encounter having no expectations for someone to be on the same page as us but the dedication that, regardless of the end results, we’ve behaved with kindness and respect for not only our opposer, but ourselves. Change is a personal journey and when we consistently behave in a way that’s congruent with our belief system, we increase the possibility to create a new, healthier reality and feel the peace that comes with it. Does this sound good?
Keep it Simple,